Tuesday, May 20, 2008

"Beaten Down With Both Fists & Words"



Rarely have I ever done an article back to back. There are so many emails I receive regarding each article I've written, that I've purposely left them up for about a week before writing a new one. However, due to some of the most ridiculous "comments" I've gotten, I decided to go ahead and post back to back.


It's my desire to let my readers know of some of the mean spirited and ignorant "comments's" that come my way. Some even cloak their disdain for women by quoting the Bible. Now, I do need to let you know for each one I allow to be published there are about a dozen others like it, that I cannot publish as they are just too vile.


There is a serious "disconnect" between the description of Domestic Abuse/Assault and the description within the minds of the abusers. Below I'm going to copy verbatim just a few of the "comments" that I did allow to be published on my blog. Once you read them, you too, will see the irrational thinking between truth and reality. It's not rocket science to understand that abuse is always wrong...no shades of gray. The Lord would never condone this violence upon any of His children.
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Anonymous said...

women ane kids are mens propirty

April 10, 2008 7:28 PM

Anonymous said...

You are helping to break up familes. The man is the head of the house not the wife. The wife and kids belong to the man. Men have a rite to hit her if she disobeys. you need to educate yourself on facts!

April 16, 2008 9:26 PM

Anonymous said...

why dont you keep your trap shut all your doing is making more troubel

April 25, 2008 9:45 PM

Anonymous said...

I think you have a big mouth and understand nothing of the relationship between men and women. The woman is to be subject to the man. This is not knew information. You forget that its the man that takes care of his female. It's her job to take care of him.

May 3, 2008 1:59 PM

Anonymous said...

your stupid and need to keep your big mouth shut. you must not have a man in your life becausw if you did you wouldn’t be talking such trash

May 9, 2008 5:05 AM

Anonymous said...

you are a foolish woman thinking that you are not the property of a man. But you probably don't even have a man in your pathetic littel life.

May 20, 2008 10:29 PM

Anonymous said...

Do yourself a favor and keep your pie hole shut. Giving women information is only going to get them into more trouble. You need to uderstand that according to the bible they are to be in subjection to their husbands.

May 22, 2008 7:35 AM



I made the decision to not change so much as a word. I left in the spelling and grammar errors.
Those of you that have been reading this blog all along also know the "comments" I receive from numerous women that tell me their churches are not helping. You also tell me that the medical profession has let you down as well.



Many of you have told me that when asked "Are you living in a safe environment?" You are asked this question with your abuser present, and rarely, if ever does the intake/triage nurse even look up at you from the keyboard when addressing you.


I must confess that this has happened to me, too...and more times than I can count. A couple articles back I relayed to you exactly what happened to me when I was going in for (what I thought would be) outpatient surgery. It was beyond outrageous! If you hadn't read it, I encourage you to do so.

I've located a profound truth in the movie titled "The Great Debaters":
  • Who is the Judge?
  • The judge is God!
  • Why is it God?
  • Because HE decides who wins or looses, not my opponent.
  • Who is your opponent?
  • He doesn’t exist.
  • Why doesn’t he exist?
  • He is merely a dissenting voice to the truth I speak.
  • Speak the truth!

So, to those of you out there who have heard from anyone* that : you don't support your husband, you need to stick it out, if you follow your mate this wouldn't have happened, you need to adapt yourself to your husband's plans, you have no Biblical right to seek a divorce, you've provoked him to anger or any other comment that keeps you in the bondage of violence and emotional cruelty you can look your oppressor in the eye and believe that God knows who's right and who's wrong. They* are merely a dissenting voice to THE TRUTH YOU SPEAK! Therefore, to you these people do not exist. If you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem.

* Church leaders, neighbors, family, do-gooders, medical professionals, your own self-doubt and anyone that's not walked in your shoes.

You already know how I'm going to close this article...I wish I could reach out and (((Hug))) each and every one of you that are hurting.

Kindest Regards,

Kathryn


20 comments:

Anonymous said...

I see you put my comment to you in your newest post. I did not give you permission to do that. My whole point was to let you know that all your doing is stiring up trouble. Ever think of just shutting up? Try it.

Hannah said...

Kathryn:

I wouldn't worry about anonymous posters like that. That is why you have the moderation enabled.

Sounds like some child that is trying to be funny. Mature adults certainly don't act or say things like that.

They aren't worth the energy. Push 'reject' or 'delete' and go on with your day.

Kathryn said...

Hannah,

Thank you for your most gracious comment. The only reason I chose to include these 'anonymous' remarks is to let the readers have a small glimpse into the disconnect and irrational thinking of the abuser. Most of them basically (sadly) say the same things

Kindest Regards,

Kathryn

Anonymous said...

Thank you for all your help

Anonymous said...

I am a man who treats my wife in the ONLY way she should be treated - with love and RESPECT!!! From some of the comments you receive, there are guys out there who are not man enough to do that. Where in the Bible does it say that women are “property” of men? Where does it say women are to be verbally, emotionally, sexually and physically abused? In the Book of Genesis, God calls woman a “helper” not a punching bag! One goofball says to “educate yourself on facts” – well idiot – show me those facts! As a man, I cannot believe the ignorant comments from “men” who obviously have issues of low self esteem and have nothing more than a third grade education – check out their spelling! I shake my head at how stupid these guys are - or to spell it as they would - how “stewpid”. And I use the word “men” very loosely as these are not real men! Real men would never abuse women or children like they do! You think you’re a real man because you abuse a woman or a child who’s half your size? Does that make you feel tough? I could write pages of how ridiculous their twisted comments are, but I just want to tell all of you women to believe in yourself and what you know is true and DO NOT BELIEVE THEIR LIES! Abusers use lies, manipulation, intimidation or whatever it takes to bring you down to their level – and it’s just that – knocking you down to THEIR low level! They can’t handle it that you’re a better person than they are so they do whatever it takes to knock you down. They want you frozen in fear and feeling you’re worthless so you don’t stand up for yourself. That’s why so many comments basically say the same thing – “shut up, don’t speak up, mind your own business…” because if you talk to enough people, you may actually hear and believe the REAL truth – not the crap these losers tell you! It’s much easier for him to control you if nobody else knows what’s going on, and he sure doesn’t want anyone to find out what he’s really like behind closed doors! Look inside you – you know inside that this is not right. Abuse is never justified under any circumstances! You are a daughter of God and you DESERVE better! YOU ARE BETTER! Don’t let ANYONE tell you otherwise!

Anonymous said...

Kathryn,

It finally appears that a gentleman has expressed the same views I have. More men need to step up and speak on behalf of those of us that are decent caring husbands and fathers.

Some of the comments you allow to be posted from women, cause me concern. I've read a few that say you should more or less, drop it, go on, forget the past.

You are a torch bearer! Keep standing strong and tall. Continue being that voice for women that too often remains silent.

Come on men. Speak up.

For some reason I cannot log into my gmail account, but you know me.

Gerald

Anonymous said...

you need to shut your pie hole and get back to ironing and cooking.

you obviously don't have a man in your life. probaly some poor noneducated women that lost a boyfriend to a prettier girl or something.

Anonymous said...

I live outside the city and no one knows how he treats me. Once when we were in town I tried to talk to a store clerk and let her know I need help but he overheard me and now he doesnt even let me go into any store alone.

Do you think when I go to my OB doctor next, if i told him, could he help? what if he reports it, and someone comes to my house? if that happened that would be really bad. I'm 7 months pregnant with my first baby. I'm 19 years old. My parents live in another state.

Anonymous said...

your ignernt shut your mouth

Maryna said...

hi kathryn.
1st, i'm sorry for the hurt you've experienced in your life. so NOT part of God's plan for your life.
i am a married woman, with a husband who respects me, and allows me to be as much as i can be.
physical, emotional and sexual abuse is not part of the guidelines God placed for marriage. i council many woman and always help them find either help or help them make a new life for themselves.
i'm deeply sorry for peoples wrong perseptions about God's Word.. but it is not God's fault..
He's plans are good, faithfull, excellent.. Jer 29:11
maryna

Anonymous said...

My boyfriend is a police officer. I did as you suggested and went to the womens center. They told me I need to go to the one in the county I live. It's too far! Why can't those of us needing help just go to the closest facility? This makes no sense at all, to send us somewhere else.

Please, address this in your next post.

Indiana

Anonymous said...

i only get to use the computer at the library, or if i'm in his brothers game room. this is how i get to read your blog. thank you Kathryn for telling us how to erase our web search!

i found out i'm pregnant again, and i'm scared. but one of your blog articles gave me an idea. please pray for me. i'll let you know how things turn out.

Nancy said...

Kathryn,
I just discover your blog and can't believe some of the comments you have received. I take that back. I can believe them. There are many ignorant people out there and probably every one of these comments was made by an abuser. I'm ashamed of the lack of compassion and ignorance displayed by people in my profession. I do have to say that at times the person doing the triage at ER are not always medical professionals, but the ones that are show know how to treat possible abuse victims. I worked ER and critical care for years and now work in mental health in a crisis stabilization unit. I can say that we do everything in our power to protect our clients, but unfortunately some of them are not ready to be helped. I know personally how difficult it can be to break away.

Kathryn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kathryn said...

Kathryn said...
Nancy,

Your response meant a great deal, especially since you're a medical professional.

I, myself (although now in a SAFE environment) have on numerous occasions had to receive emergency care.

As I've mentioned on my blog I'm very happily remarried, yet, the years of abuse has left me with significant health issues. There are times I've had to receive emergency care, my hubby accompanied me (he, too, is a health professional) or a friend of mine that is an RN.

Only "once" was I ever asked while alone, if I was in a safe environment. My husband made a point of letting the triage nurse (an RN) know, that this needs to be asked when I am ALONE. Like some of those, that have left comments,she never even looked up from her keyboard. She let us know that she "they're busy and only required to ask by law".

This is unacceptable. Nancy, you as a health professional, can be an "additional voice" for those caught in the trap of domestic violence. Lend your voice to those of us that see there could be improvements made.

Again, I want to thank you for your thoughtful and compassionate email.

Kindest Regards,

Kathryn

June 10, 2008 5:26 PM

Anonymous said...

Kathryn,thank you so much for the information you've given us. I did as you suggested on many issues. You told us to "get our ducks in a row". You were right. There are many that are willing to help. We are working out a plan. I was mostly worried about my kids, but they will be with me. Thank you so very much. I wish someone would have told me this information years ago. I've been married to him now for 13 years. Nothing changes, even though he pormises. I used to fall for his lies, but not anymore.

Nebraska

Danni said...

Kathryn,

I get derogatory comments like that too, now and then. I usually laugh. The ignorance level is beyond imagination. Abusers like to use the Bible as justification - but a study of the Word tells a totally different story. God does not consider women and children to be a man's property. Some human cultures did/do. And God rewarded women like Abigail who defied their abusive husbands. He also punished women who didn't stand up against their husbands - like the wives of the men who defied Moses and God killed them ALL.

We have a choice. But we also need help. Help is out there, but it can be weak, ineffective and sketchy. I know the system let me and my kids down. But God made another way. It wasn't easy but it was possible.

And those of us who know better can be the agents of change. Even a blog like this is a powerful voice - as you know from hearing from victims.

-- Danni

Danni said...

Kathryn,

I get derogatory comments like that too, now and then. I usually laugh. The ignorance level is beyond imagination. Abusers like to use the Bible as justification - but a study of the Word tells a totally different story.

Someone who can't spell or construct a legitimate sentence is almost certainly not capable to studying the Word for themselves. How can they go back and study the original context and languages to understand what God was really saying? The English language is far more limited than the ancient languages and there is no English translation that fully and accurately communicates what the original language said. For anyone to find out for themselves what the Word says, they will need to have a good education and know how to think and reason logically.

These comments demonstrate a lack of these qualities. So these people are, of necessity, merely repeating what someone else has taught them.

God does not consider women and children to be a man's property. Some human cultures did/do. And God rewarded women like Abigail who defied their abusive husbands. He also punished women who didn't stand up against their husbands - like the wives of the men who defied Moses and God killed them ALL.

We have a choice. But we also need help. Help is out there, but it can be weak, ineffective and sketchy. I know the system let me and my kids down. But God made another way. It wasn't easy but it was possible. I believe if we diligently seek God for a way, He will make one.

And those of us who know God does not lock anyone into curses without hope can be the agents of change. Even a
blog like this is a powerful voice - as you know from hearing from victims.

-- Danni

Danni said...

I had to laugh at the comment protesting you copying their previous comment in your post. Obviously, this person is oblivious to copyright law. He posted his comment publically on your blog. It is now your property. You don't need his permission to copy what he wrote publically on your blog to another spot on the same blog.

I'm sorry you're being targeted by people who are both ignorant of the Word and personally malevolent. The spirit of God is very evidently not in residence therein.

-- Danni

J. Davidson said...

Kathryn I know when I interview a client I ALWAYS, even when they request and have signed a release to have their significant other present, speak to the client alone at some point. Always. One reason is because of exactly what you have mentioned.

I also want to say that I have been with my wife for 15+ years and I would never, ever, ever consider it proper or accpetable for me to abuse her in any way no matter what and if I did there would be absolutely no excuse for it and the fault would be completely mine. It saddens me to no end when i see the damage that is caused by DV and how "accepted" it is by people who should be railing against it.

Thank you for your blog and I wish you well!!

http://rumination2.blogspot.com/