Wednesday, March 26, 2008

"Reflections: The Night Before Out-Patient Surgery"

There are so many things flooding my mind right now. The emails that I've received from many of you, have caused weeping again. Each time I'm reminded of the isolation, pain, humiliation and indignity that abuse causes me to "go back" again into the hell that I was once living. This time, however, my reasons for "going back" are not for me, but for those I desire to be of some comfort.

Underneath the differences of 'outward' appearance, we are all sisters. The exact circumstances of our lives may be different, but being a victim of abuse...brings a deep level of "sisterhood". Just learning that I was not alone (as I definitely believed) was a weight off my shoulders. Once I was in the "safe house", I learned a lot.

The women that I shared this home with, were all victims of domestic assault. Many of them had small children. The fear and uncertainty on the faces of those children, I'll never forget. The "safe house" was set up for children. Much play area, both inside and outside. Of course, the outside area was completely surrounded by a large wood privacy fence. The kids also had a huge variety of toys, games, puzzles and there was also a computer room for them. This was a real place of safety!

When I first step foot in this house, the thing that I was immediately made aware of was that I was SAFE! I remember thinking it'd be easier to get into Ft. Knox. Yet, in spite of the safety, the stories of each woman were as different as night is from day. The one common factor was that we were all there for the same reason. We were all victims of abuse. This was a house of "healing"

Tomorrow I go to the hospital for an out-patient procedure. Hopefully, it really will be "out-patient" this has not always been the case with me. Many of the medical issues I deal with now are a result of the years of physical abuse.

There is a bit of critical information I'd like to share with you. I learned this from one of my sisters...who learned it the hard way. When a husband/significant other...knows your personal information: social security number, mother's maiden name, father's middle name, etc., etc., is often easy for them to get information about you that could further compromise your safety.

My sister gave me some information concerning my cell phone number. She told me to get it "pass code protected". I contacted the cell phone provider and said I wanted the number (the one I was using) to be "pass code protected". This means you come up with a combination of a couple numbers &/or letters. Something no one would know but you. This way, no one can get a copy of your phone records.

Doing this prevents anyone from getting your phone records. Like I said earlier, it was one of precious sister's that gave me the information I'm now passing on to you. Her husband was able to get a copy of her phone records for the previous two years!

I've also known women whose abuser had 'planted' a GPS (global positioning system) on their vehicles. They wondered "how" every move they made was known to their abuser. One lady found it by accident...she was looking under her car, as it appeared she had an oil leak. Other than noticing the leak she found something quite unexpected...what she found was a small disc shaped object placed under her bumper. Not knowing what it was, she pulled it off. the next day she went to an auto parts store. She showed the employee what she'd found and asked what it was. He explained to her that it was a information to every place she took her vehicle.

Oh my, the more information I share, the more I realize I need yet to pass on. I'm committed to your safety. Please, tell someone. No one deserves to be abused. Today, I added some national hot line information links. They are there to help.

Hopefully, my next post will include some specifics you'll need to prepare case of an immediate need for safety. Due to the fact I had asked a few questions before that "one particular" night...I felt a bit empowered. Looking back, I can see clearly, had I known the right questions to ask, I could have been better prepared.

Be Safe My Sisters,



Anonymous said...

I read this blog through foxfire. i read all the posts. OMG! you must have nerves of steel. thank god the police had the wisdom to intervene

Anonymous said...

Incredible blog. Long overdue for something like this. All posts were read. I especially gained knowledge thorough "Terror In The Night". You're right, it's the grip of fear that has caused many of us to stay in these unsafe homes. The area I'm in had no place of safety. If I'd have been close to a city, that may have been different, but in rural areas it's different. It was on a winter's night that I had to flee with the kids and drove straight to the sheriff's office. That was my only way of escape.

Anonymous said...

what should i do because my boyfreind wont let me out of the apartment. he even took my cell phone away. my parents live in a different state. i'm 19. the worse part is my parents dont know where i'm at. i ran away from home 2 yrs ago. what if they are still mad at me. thank you for the hotline stuff you have on the blog. if i email them, i hope they dont email me back. he could find out. then what shuld i do?

Anonymous said...

your a true hero my Sister

Another Victim from AZ

Anonymous said...


you said you were going to put more information in your blog about what to do when we know we know things are getting real bad. when are you gong to do this? I'm pregnant and have a girl almost 2. My boyfriend hates my little girl because shes not his, but from my first relationship. He lets me go places if I want, but only if i leave my girl. I'm afraid he mite do something so I never leave. My parents live 1200 miles away and I'm not in a big city. what should I do? don't email me back incase he sees it. Plesae put more information in your blog.

I'm in Nebraska

Anonymous said...

I wouldnt leave without my kids. Do those places that help females like me, do they all take you if you have kids? I have 5.

Anonymous said...

How come I feel so guilty about wanting to leave? God does not aprove of divorce. Isnt this true?
the abuse has been constant since 1999.

Anonymous said...

You know, I can’t imagine what must go through the minds of the children in these safe houses. To hear you describe the yard as being totally walled off makes me really sad. Children should not have to grow up hiding behind fences, trembling whenever they hear a car go by. Grown women should never be a prisoner behind these fences while the abuser comes and goes freely. I’m sure the children can’t even live a normal life of going to friend’s houses to hang out and I would guess they are not allowed to tell anyone where they live! Yet the abuser is free to do whatever the heck he wants without fear of being seen.


Even the punishment awaiting them from God is not enough for these X%*#$’s….

Anonymous said...

Each day I read your blog. I'm waiting for your next post and hope your outpatient surgery went well. I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that I hang on every word you write. So much wisdom without guile or hatred toward the person that abused you. Did it take a long time to get to that point. The reason I ask is becuse I hate my boyfreind. He treats me and the kids awaful and I dont know what to do.