I would like to think that all of us who read these words understand the definition of violence. I also believe that rage is a large part of violence. Let's look at violence
- A man gets in a fight in a bar and snaps a pool cue over another man's head (concussion, sutures) because he did not like what the other man said.
question? Who's the perpetrator and who is the victim ? - A man gets cut off on the freeway and he decides to follow the other man and when the other car stops he starts a fight with this man (Broken nose). Again who is the victim?
- A woman is accused of not having dinner on the table at the designated time, in response to this the husband beats the wife resulting in (concussion, sutures on bottom lip) the woman was late because her child was injured on the playground, but her husband never gave her a chance to say "why" she was late. Now who's is the victim.
The reason for the exercise is that I believe that a compassionate understanding person would recognize that in each case the person who was beaten is the victim. One can easily determine that in these examples nothing was done to deserve this aggressive act. Now some of our more learned Biblical "scholars" who grace these pages with their comments, that a woman needs to be corrected and brought into submission under her husband's authority would really be condoning the rage of a violent act. Image if you will the in each case the perpetrator is the same man. Was he thinking Biblically each time he acted out and allowed rage to control him, or only when he beat his wife. Do you that read the Bible and adhere to loving words of our LORD believe that rage in the form of uncontrolled anger is prescribed by the text? In each case above the man let his emotions rage and the resulting violence is always barred by law and punishable by jail time.
You can couch violence against one's partner in purely Biblical terms but I believe that you are lying to yourself, when you fail to see that it was rage, uncontrolled anger and after the fact defended by the abuser as an act of Biblical correction. If you can show me how fractures, concussions, sutures, destruction of person property, and very often death are justified by the Bible when in fact what we are really looking at is rage pure and simple then I will print your comments. Since I know that you can't please refrain!
Dozens of you have forwarded to me an article written by a Baptist "Scholar". You've requested that I respond to the outrageous remarks given by it's author. I plan on doing this, but desire to not only read it, but listen to an audio version as well. Many times you can pick up on nuances in an audio version that may otherwise be absent in text. Although, I can't imagine anything being worse than what I've already read.
I found an excellent survey to help in determining if your relationship is abusive. Many times we make excuses for our partner. The reason I can say this with such confidence is that I made excuses, too. This survery was found on a site that also deals with domestic violence issues. www.aardvarc.org . This site had many other links and 'help tools'.
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Relationship Quiz: Am I In An Abusive Relationship?
Instructions:
Enter the number of points next to each question depending on the severity of each item:Never: 0 points
Rarely: 1 point
Sometimes: 2 points
Frequently: 3 points
__ My partner teases me in a hurtful way in private or in public
__ My partner calls me names such as "stupid" or "bitch"
__ My partner acts jealous of my friends, family, or co-workers
__ My partner gets angry about clothes I wear or how I style my hair
__ My partner checks up on me by calling, driving by, or getting someone else to
__ My partner insists on knowing who I talk to on the phone
__ My partner blames me for their problems or bad mood
__ My partner gets angry easily, leaving me walking on eggshells
__ My partner throws or destroys things when angry
__ My partner hits walls, drives dangerously or does other things to scare me
__ My partner drinks excessively or uses drugs
__ My partner insists that I drink or use drugs whenever they do
__ My partner accuses me of being interested in someone else
__ My partner reads my mail, goes thru my personal space/items (ie. purse)
__ My partner keeps me from getting a job or finds ways to cause problems at my job
__ My partner keeps money from me, keeps me in debt, or has "money secrets"
__ My partner sold my car, made me give up my license, or won't repair my car
__ My partner has threatened to hurt me
__ My partner has threatened to hurt my children
__ My partner has actually hurt my children
__ My partner has threatened to hurt my pets
__ My partner has actually hurt my pets
__ My partner has threatened to hurt my friends or family
__ My partner has hurt a friend or family member
__ My partner has threatened to commit suicide if I leave
__ My partner has struck me with hands or feet - slapped, punched, kicked
__ My partner has struck me with an object or threatened me with a weapon
__ My partner has given me visible injuries - bruises, welts, cuts
__ I have had to administer first aid to myself due to injuries from my partner
__ My injuries have been serious enough to seek treatment - doctor, hospital, clinic, paramedic
__ My partner forces me to have sex when I don't want to
__ My partner forces me to have sex in ways that I don't want to
__ My partner has been in trouble with the police
__ My partner acts one way in front of others, and another way when we are alone
__ My partner is secretive or lies about past relationships
__ I feel isolated and alone and have no one I can really talk to
__ I have lost friends because of my partner/partner's actions
__ I no longer see some of my family because of my partner
__ I have thought about calling the police because of an incident of violence
__ I have actually called the police on one or more occasions
__ I am afraid to call the police because of threats from my partner
_____ TOTAL POINTS
0-17: Generally Non-abusive
These are likely to be the sorts of strains that are not unusual in relationships. Do NOT, however, make the mistake of brushing off any incident of violence or threat of violence, no matter how isolated!18-58: Moderately Abusive
This is a home experiencing some violence at least once in a while. It may be that this is a relationship where violence is just beginning. In a new relationship there is good reason to expect it will eventually escalate into more serious forms and may occur more frequently.59-95: Seriously Abusive
Scores in this range indicate a seriously abusive relationship that can, under outside pressure, or with the sudden strain of a family emergency, move into the dangerously severe range. Serious injury is quite probable if it has not already occurred. Please consider getting help, even leaving.96 and up: Dangerously Abusive
If you scored in the top range, you need to consider even more seriously the option of leaving, at least temporarily, while you consider your next move. The violence will not take care of itself or miraculously disappear. Over time the chances are very good that your life and/or the lives of your children will be in danger.---------------------------
Kindest Regards,
Kathryn
