tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638558641271470163.post8723678216727388237..comments2023-03-29T22:03:22.641-04:00Comments on Escaping The "Trap" of Domestic Violence: "I Got Flowers Today"Kathrynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16512389735681699311noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638558641271470163.post-54037972242853635252010-01-25T12:42:20.114-05:002010-01-25T12:42:20.114-05:00I also feel moved by this poem. It is so real, so ...I also feel moved by this poem. It is so real, so close to my life story.<br /><br />I found your blog while looking for DV blogs. Hope you can have a look at my diary soon.<br /><br />Recovering from abuse is never easy and I want to help others to get free of the "trap". This is my healing strategy anyway. All the best, HelenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638558641271470163.post-1748592320209815242009-12-03T11:45:20.899-05:002009-12-03T11:45:20.899-05:00Hey Kathryn,
Very thought provoking blog, so info...Hey Kathryn,<br /><br />Very thought provoking blog, so informative and so straight from heart! <br />I am one of those lucky women who have not experienced domestic violence, but I know women who have. Some are survivors, some are still suffering. But almost all of them are silent. So it's heartening to see blogs like these from women like you. <br />I would also like to tell you about A Safe World for Women campaign that has just been launched by Women for A Change, an international NPO with whom I work. We had originally started with an idea to hold an event as part of 16 days of activism, but when we dug deeper, into facts and figure, we were so alarmed with it all! <br /><br />Would you believe that it was 16 years ago that the UN had first drafted a resolution, asking states to work towards elimination of violence against women? Since then there have been many more UN resolutions, but things are as bad as they ever were. In fact they have worsened in some cases.<br /><br />So we, at WFAC, decided that enough was enough and it was now time to break the cycle and break the silence by bringing all the women together. <br /><br />I would highly appreciate it if you could please visit our campaign website, http://www.asafeworldforwomen.org/ and endorse our charter We aim to have a million endorsement and on 8th March, 2011, on the centenary of International Women's Day we will be presenting this charter to the UN and governments across the world. <br />We are also hosting a survey on the same website. This will help us getting our figures right about violence against women. <br /><br />Thanks again for writing such a great blog.<br /><br />Warm regards<br />ShrutiShrutiWriteshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12298778791913397466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638558641271470163.post-71465021820806068352009-08-20T00:21:38.311-04:002009-08-20T00:21:38.311-04:00To "anonymous" who keeps making such hat...To "anonymous" who keeps making such hateful comments about the right of men to abuse and be in charge, and that wives must submit, take a look at I Timothy 5:14. Specifically, look up "guide the house" in the Concordance. Did you know the translators of KJV neglected to say that wives were told to be head of, in this case meaning ruler of, their families? The NIV and other versions translate it "manage their homes," which is also not accurate according to the concordance. <br /><br />Also, you suppose that when the husband is said to be the head of the wife, that means he is her absolute authority. But when you look up "head" in the concordance, it says "the part most easily seized." (It sounds like you rule with the lower head, the part most easily kicked.) However, the job description for the "head" is found in Ephesians 5:25-29. Basically, the husband is to love his wife self-sacrificially, as Christ loved the church. There is absolutely NO directive to husbands to rule their wives. NONE. This self-sacrifice means that there is no room for a husband to demand his own way. If there is a difference of opinion, he is to lay down his way, even to laying down his life, for his wife. THAT is what the Bible actually says. The husband is to tenderly care for his wife, just like he tenderly cares for his own body. I think of how tenderly protective men are of their private parts. THAT is to be your attitude toward your wife. You don't order your parts around. Instead you are gentle with them, tenderly caring for them if there is a sore spot, or if they need to be bathed. You wouldn't THINK of beating them, of verbally assaulting them, of yelling at them because they aren't clean enough or don't perform well enough. In the same way you are NOT to yell at or assault your wife. Instead you bring to her what would feel good to her, (not to you!) whether soothing, caressing, stimulation, or binding up wounds. <br /><br />Your meaning for the word "head" is made up by men like yourself. It is not the meaning of head in the original Greek. It is not the meaning Paul, Peter, or God put on the word. It is entirely male-crafted and anti-biblical. The context tells you that. <br /><br />So when you read the word, stop focusing on phrases within verses, and look at the whole context. The whole context is that husband and wife are to submit to one another. The husband is called on to lay down his way and even his life for his wife. The submission required of him is greater than that required of his wife. Nowhere are wives told to lay down their lives for their husbands. In addition, the relationship of husband and wife is to symbolize Christ and the church. The church loves and submits to Christ BECAUSE He first loved us. In the same way, a wife submits willingly to her husband's loving actions. If the husband is demanding, abusive, and tells her she must submit, he is acting like Satan. For a wife to submit to him, would symbolize the church submitting to Satan, and is a horrible testimony to the world. That type of relationship certainly would NOT bring anyone to Christ. Not only that, it frequently drives children and wives away from God. Many women have left church because the church did not stand up against domestic abuse. Others blamed God for the abuse, and rejected God altogether. Is this unbiblical, husband-can-be-the-worst-jerk-he-chooses-to-be doctrine really what you believe God is endorsing? Surely, you know better than that!!Waneta Dawnhttp://www.wanetadawn.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638558641271470163.post-77391846530849183392009-08-20T00:16:59.007-04:002009-08-20T00:16:59.007-04:00I rarely see a "cycle of violence" that ...I rarely see a "cycle of violence" that admits that the calm and sorry stage may decrease over time. By the time I left my abuser he no longer had a calm stage; he was nasty all the time. I tried to protect myself by thinking ahead and taking action to ward off whatever evil he'd do next, but he'd usually attack from a completely different angle. I ended up with panic attacks and anxiety, most likely because the verbal/emotional attacks were almost always a surprise, often the complete opposite of what he'd said before. Even after I left him, he kept changing his preferences. For example: he never wanted to celebrate Christmas with my daughter and me, and even refused to have the tree in the living room. So we put up the tree in her room and celebrated together. But after I left, he insisted on her being with him for Christmas, and he even got a little Christmas tree. He made it so clear when we were together that she was my responsibility, that it never occurred to me that he would try to be the primary custodial parent--and succeed in pursuading the judge that he was the most "stable" parent to raise our daughter. (I'm baffled as to why judges think an abuser who made his spouse "unstable" will not bring about the same instability on his children.) <br /><br />As others before me have said, the only thing I regret about leaving him, is that I didn't leave sooner. But there again, it was Christian teaching that influenced me to stay that long. I don't know of anyone who wishes she had stayed with her abuser longer. <br /><br />You can read about me on my website www.wanetadawn.com. There you will find a link to my blog http://submissiontyranny.blogspot.com, and will find information about my novel that depicts non-physical domestic violence, "Behind the Hedge." This book was written to help those who are not in abusive situations to understand what life is like for the abuser's targets, and how even emotional/verbal/spiritual abuse do serious damage to the entire family. The abuse is purposely toned down, so that society can see that what looks like minimal abuse from outside the family, is actually major abuse within the family.Waneta Dawnhttp://www.wanetadawn.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638558641271470163.post-3187854514263319512009-07-06T00:42:38.220-04:002009-07-06T00:42:38.220-04:00Thank you for this poemThank you for this poemJill Tingeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15414091126471613452noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638558641271470163.post-35317218685068342132009-07-06T00:38:05.277-04:002009-07-06T00:38:05.277-04:00I have never read that poem before. It evoked an ...I have never read that poem before. It evoked an emotion that is hard to describe. While in group at the women's shelter I heard a poem about planting your own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers...this hit home just as hard.<br /><br />Thank you.Jill Tingeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15414091126471613452noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638558641271470163.post-74301780537071019672009-06-12T15:33:40.005-04:002009-06-12T15:33:40.005-04:00Thank you for this blog. I know someone who is in...Thank you for this blog. I know someone who is in an abusive relationship and I try to reach out to her to help her... but I guess she might not be quite ready for the help. <br />I have pasted a link to your blog in one of our blogs.<br /><br />-Friends From Sunshine/PTP, Inc.<br />http://friendsfromsunshine.blogspot.com/Just mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16951042244155893192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638558641271470163.post-20980776879669049822009-06-12T15:33:40.006-04:002009-06-12T15:33:40.006-04:00Thank you for this blog. I know someone who is in...Thank you for this blog. I know someone who is in an abusive relationship and I try to reach out to her to help her... but I guess she might not be quite ready for the help. <br />I have pasted a link to your blog in one of our blogs.<br /><br />-Friends From Sunshine/PTP, Inc.<br />http://friendsfromsunshine.blogspot.com/Just mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16951042244155893192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638558641271470163.post-56996746051138501752009-06-01T15:02:41.800-04:002009-06-01T15:02:41.800-04:00It truly can be a heartbreaking, vicious cycle. W...It truly can be a heartbreaking, vicious cycle. Women in these situations (and sometimes men too) need to really lean on God for support and love, and not the abuser. Sometimes that's easier said than done, but it really is the truth.Matthttp://lasvegasbailbonds.weebly.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638558641271470163.post-58174550004746981272009-05-25T10:34:08.555-04:002009-05-25T10:34:08.555-04:00hello my sister,
i pray that all is well with you....hello my sister,<br />i pray that all is well with you.<br /><br />just checking in on you hit me back when you get a chance.<br /><br />theprayerful one<br />WTmwisdomteachesmehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04064324322310160672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638558641271470163.post-2436064492384004202009-05-01T00:12:00.000-04:002009-05-01T00:12:00.000-04:00I still have a phobia about receiving flowers. I s...I still have a phobia about receiving flowers. I suppose that after all this time (ten years) I could choose to drop the phobia, but I don't bother. Only one person has gotten under the radar and that was when he ( a friend, nothing romantic) sent me flowers after I had been given the 'all cured' from a disease I'd been suffering). The phobia doesn't impede my life much so why go to the bother of trying to reprogram my mind? <br />After I left the marriage for the last time, I used to imagine what I would do if I ever was given flowers again face to face: break all the stems in half and throw them at the feet of the person giving them to me. It never came to that (luckily for my friends: they didn't give me flowers face to face) so I never faced the temptation. But the visualisation was a powerful one for years.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00710652037943503274noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638558641271470163.post-14936516270272637172009-04-11T13:42:00.000-04:002009-04-11T13:42:00.000-04:00This is a poem that has touched me and I know many...This is a poem that has touched me and I know many others who have suffered through domestic violence. I hope and pray too that others who are in this situation find the strength and help they need to get free of domestic violence.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638558641271470163.post-53676181913869612822009-04-09T23:53:00.000-04:002009-04-09T23:53:00.000-04:00This poem still touches me every time I read it. ...This poem still touches me every time I read it. My first ones were two yellow roses, in a glass heart shaped vase. It didn't take me long to not appreciate flowers anymore.<BR/><BR/>I hope that every woman out there finds the strength, courage, and help to get out of their abusive situations. I do know how you feel! It CAN get better.<BR/><BR/>~Penny~ Pennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03989170110785020219noreply@blogger.com